Psychology

We all talk about stress but often do not differentiate reality from the myth that has been created around it, for this article we are going to be based on myths that differentiated the APA (American Psychological Association) and that I found really interesting.

Stress is the same for all

Many people believe that stress affects us all equally and that its origin is due to common causes, we should all feel stress for the same reasons in the same way that everyone would stop feeling stressed with the same solutions.

A capital error, really. Not all people live the same events in the same way, not all stress feel the same and therefore, the consequence of these is quite different in each person, each has a story and this affects a person differently : previous traumatic event can serve to have developed different psychological tools to deal with things or otherwise, may make it more vulnerable.

Each person is unique and it is wrong to try to treat all people as equals when everyone has a different life, a way of feeling different and a different reaction to each situation.

Stress is always bad for you

Stress is not bad, bad for the person themselves is how you handle that stress. This means that if you have the necessary tools to manage stress can make it a very positive thing.

Say you could understand stress as an engine of life, as something that pushes us to move and fulfill ourselves, to find what we want and not as something that limits us. When we manage our stress is when we are faced with situations that overwhelm us, we lose sleep.

Stress is everywhere, therefore, nothing can be done about it

I think the same in itself, this statement is really stressful. There are few things to which we can not do anything about it, really, if we can work our way of living and thinking in order to understand where it comes from our stress, to understand what we really stressed and what is the origin of our stress.

The most popular techniques for reducing stress are the best

Throughout this article we refer to the need not to generalize the techniques to serve our patients and ourselves as individuals who are not served a general recipe.

There are people who the most popular techniques can serve perfectly to control your stress while there are others who need other newer techniques but less known as other people looking for more traditional orientations.

The major symptoms of stress are the ones who need attention

There are symptoms that are out of the ordinary as body level manifestations such as intestinal problems, these could also be due to stress-related symptoms to those who have to pay attention, to which we must find a solution when there is no psychological organic cause.

Primary or secondary symptoms, stress should be to enjoy life and not suffer.

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Lies are the ideal weapon for a relationship ends, either the kind or nature. If you want to detect when a person you must be lying, do not miss the clues that we will give below.

The reality is that there are people who have mastered the art of lying so it may not be as easy to guess as to others, but we always have to look at body language and verbal language so we can discover when they try to fool us.

The aspects that we will develop below are general, which occurs most often:

Verbal language: discovering when a person lies

In the event that the case of a person who spends his days lying can see how differences in the way they express:

If you are not used to lying quickly will be nervous and you will see that in his voice there is a slight doubt, fear of being caught and the consequences that come after it.

Usually expressed in fewer words than usual, seeking by all means to end the conversation but be at risk. But there are those who will tell a very long story to tell you something that could be said in one sentence, this usually happens when you are getting anxious.

Also, try to avoid the conversation quickly defensively to not be able to realize that hiding something or no one would dare ask more.

We can also meet people who make you feel bad end to the other with some kind of emotional blackmail and thus, one does not ask you to stop but feels guilty over having not even hesitate.

Another aspect that we must consider is the insistence that you believe, you can go the opposite side to try to avoid the subject as constantly insist convince his truth when so if you want you had a real doubt, just a feeling that something was not good.

Body language: Discovering lie

If you look at the physical aspects, perhaps they are so used to lying or have the ability to control their emotions, when one tries to lie not usually look into the eyes of anyone who questions it feels more vulnerable, as if he could read his true intentions. Thus, moving her eyes or look to other parts nervously.

They also tend to be more nervous than usual so easy that can not stop hands still when expressed, make moves with the leg or foot, etc.. But we also encounter the opposite aspect, most people show body stiffness when they lie, yet he is on alert to not show any sign of lying, is concentrated in desdecir not even one of the words you have said so their movements are limiting and scarce.

When do some kind of movement is usually directed to touch your face and there are three areas that are the most common: the face, throat and mouth.

Do I really lying?

Many people are torn between following your intuition or not, between taking off the blindfold and realize that someone they trusted absolutely is cheating them or continue a life in which they are comfortable.

Lies hurt and can break up stronger relationships, is something you have to take into account both for your very life to the people around you because you are very likely with friends or family who prefer not to accept the reality but it have seen with their own eyes.

Sometimes the lies are left on mere suspicion, in insecurities and jealousy, sometimes many turn to the phrase "where there's smoke there's fire." If anyone is lying is an aspect that you can only find yourselves, all you have mentioned above are general aspects can play a liar or not, every person you know that is different but I can tell you are the most frequent.

In closing, I leave a few items that can resultaros interesting to complete the information.

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Have you ever found your soul mate?, Do you really think love is to find the other half that complements you? Love is a universal feeling that gives meaning to our lives, because there is so much to what we love in one way or another that moves us to want to live and breathe.

We spend our lives looking for that person who completes our lives, to fill us, to make us see the pink day and can not stop smiling. Some spend their days hoping to find that half while others drown in an empty glass thinking they can never find it.

Is it love to find a penpal?

Probably many of you are thinking "What things says, clear that love is finding your soul mate" but love is not much more than that?

There are half orange, half lemons, kiwis media and an infinite number of possibilities fruit in love, do not look for an equal but someone who seeks happiness, we can not think like someone half oranges fill all our wishes of completeness , to appease our personal empty because, after all, can generate an emotional dependence that can cost differentiate, because eventually, but have that person completely fills us What will our life without her ?

And it's not that we lose soulmate has given us a sense of completeness, is that the person who does not find the other half seems to be evoked to failure, loneliness and pain when being without a partner does not have to symbolize any of these aspects. Can not be happy alone?

What is love without dependency?

All these questions have led me to wonder what love is, how to define love in an open and free without being the better half someone maintains the requirement to fill in all the gaps of the other person, without accepting that there are gaps that are personal and own ourselves, empty that some think they can not fill and others believe that over time.

Let me share with you a few lines from the song entitled "Love" Julia's Smile I find a beautiful and healthy to define:

"Love is not routine, distance love is not, love is not the wound that never heals, love is not love you except with the soul if it is not sincere, it is not love (...) Love is routine, love is trust, love adventure that opens the soul, love is the source of all bathes him, love is the star that never goes, love is the house every morning, love is love is strength and calm. "

We could continue to define what love is, what it symbolizes for each of us but to conclude it at some point, I would say that love is not dependence, love is pain, love is not fear or shame, love is love.

Love comes from self-acceptance, from power being comfortable with oneself in order to be comfortable and share with one another, love is not filling the gaps is complemented admitting differences and you can not be everything to other.

Love in the words of John Lennon

I know that today I'm paraphrasing a lot of people, but I think there are discourses that describe this issue much better than I can convey. I leave these words of John Lennon that have changed the way we understand the love of many people:

"They made us believe that the 'great love' only happens once, usually before age 30. It told us that love is not powered, or arrives at a given time.

They made us believe that each of us is half an orange, and that life has meaning only when we find the other half. It told us that we are born whole life nobody deserves the load on the shoulders the responsibility of completing what we lack.

They made us believe in a formula called 'two in one': two people think alike, act alike, that was what worked. It told us that it has a name: annulment. That only being individuals with personality can have a healthy relationship.

They made us believe that marriage is compulsory and out of term desires must be repressed.

They made us believe that they are more cute and skinny ones.

They made us believe that there is only one formula for happiness, the same for all, and beyond it are doomed to marginalization. It told us that these formulas are wrong, frustrated people are alienating, and we can try other alternatives.

Oh, and also told us that no one was going to say this ... everyone is going to have to find one.

We live in a world where we hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight. "

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Often the fear grips parents and fear how to tell their children that they are adopted, they fear losing their love or harm to a truth that may change things, then comes the big question: When and how to tell a child it is adopted?

A few days ago I had the opportunity to listen to the psychologist Marina Belloch Well, one of the people who founded the first association of adoption in Spain, talking about when you should tell the child being adopted and how they do it.

We could define adoption as a different way to the biological parentage but with the same obligations, not only to give his name to a person but to commit to care both physically and emotionally, to let her have her own dreams and desires, to give a .

Anybody can adopt a child?

Not all people meet the characteristics necessary to take not only economic aspects important to ensure that little will be able to meet their basic needs, but it is essential that it is certain that that child will be able to develop as a subject in that family.

Many may seem logical and will not be necessary to mention one aspect that seems simple, but the reality is that there are many adoptive parents who can not offer this to the children, who are not able to provide a psychic within the family, among other cases.

If you're thinking of adopting it is preferable to think what is taking you to take, what is the real reason you want to have a child. Before they wanted because the more hands have to work better, now many parents are looking for someone to look after them when they are older or a person to fill a void. None of these reasons would be valid to take the life of a child.

Undoubtedly, the way foster parents is nothing simpler than a biological parent.

The physical differences between parents and adopted children

There will come a time when you begin to have doubts, people talk and sometimes makes comparisons that do not have any malice "do not look anything like your father", a comment that may encourage fantasies or suspicions that this does not is the family of origin.

This really think they are of the same ethnicity, but in the event that racial differences are even more we have to talk to the small to let you know its true origin because the reality is that this child will be wanting to be like their adoptive parents both physically and mentally.

Although it may seem illogical, you might not even have noticed the great physical differences that exist or rather than denied. This childish reasoning seek to understand these differences, but knows that his biological family is different and we can not deny the reality, the differences are hard to accept but it is always preferable to the truth.

And besides, an aspect that we have to keep in mind is that all children create "neurotic's family romance." There is an age that arise if the family that is living but yours truly will be the children of a king or a powerful man. (In this novel discuss in future articles of a more concrete).

When to tell?

There is no specific age to tell your child that he is an adopted child, just wait until he is interested in knowing their origin.

With the first questions is time to start telling the truth but always taking into account the age of the child, giving you information that you can understand and dosage form as the go-factly asking and do not forget because it's a boy loved and desired by you.

There are children who start from a very small ask their mothers if they have gone out of their gut, where they come from or how they were born.

In conclusion, you should always tell the truth but always respond in a way that can understand, answering their questions and anticipating what still has not asked himself that also needs to feel part of the family, assimilate things gradually, respecting their psychic time.

How do I tell my son he is adopted?

If you propose not lie saying that is biological, not tell him that the stork brought you, or who is born under a cabbage because it's going to believe, their innocence and fantasy level is wonderful so it's best not to confuse .

The healthiest way, in every way, to tell your little one what your home is through the stories that you can create yourself.

It is essential that this story or explanation that refers to a biological parent, to love, to an intimate encounter, the inability to have a baby by the adoptive parents and the great desire to have a son like him .

For example: "You were born in another belly but did not have parents, they wanted and made a baby together (ie, born of love and there is an intimate encounter) but they could not take care of. We could not have babies and looking for one (desire to have a child) and I when we found you, our son. "

This is a very basic example you can do your adding more feelings and decorating according to the child's age but makes it clear that there was love when it was conceived and now is with people who love him.

In closing I would like to share with you a reflection that we conveyed Marina Good:

"A genitor can be father, a progenitor can not and there will not ever be progenitors that can be parents forever."

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