Often the fear grips parents and fear how to tell their children that they are adopted, they fear losing their love or harm to a truth that may change things, then comes the big question: When and how to tell a child it is adopted?
A few days ago I had the opportunity to listen to the psychologist Marina Belloch Well, one of the people who founded the first association of adoption in Spain, talking about when you should tell the child being adopted and how they do it.
We could define adoption as a different way to the biological parentage but with the same obligations, not only to give his name to a person but to commit to care both physically and emotionally, to let her have her own dreams and desires, to give a .
Anybody can adopt a child?
Not all people meet the characteristics necessary to take not only economic aspects important to ensure that little will be able to meet their basic needs, but it is essential that it is certain that that child will be able to develop as a subject in that family.
Many may seem logical and will not be necessary to mention one aspect that seems simple, but the reality is that there are many adoptive parents who can not offer this to the children, who are not able to provide a psychic within the family, among other cases.
If you're thinking of adopting it is preferable to think what is taking you to take, what is the real reason you want to have a child. Before they wanted because the more hands have to work better, now many parents are looking for someone to look after them when they are older or a person to fill a void. None of these reasons would be valid to take the life of a child.
Undoubtedly, the way foster parents is nothing simpler than a biological parent.
The physical differences between parents and adopted children
There will come a time when you begin to have doubts, people talk and sometimes makes comparisons that do not have any malice "do not look anything like your father", a comment that may encourage fantasies or suspicions that this does not is the family of origin.
This really think they are of the same ethnicity, but in the event that racial differences are even more we have to talk to the small to let you know its true origin because the reality is that this child will be wanting to be like their adoptive parents both physically and mentally.
Although it may seem illogical, you might not even have noticed the great physical differences that exist or rather than denied. This childish reasoning seek to understand these differences, but knows that his biological family is different and we can not deny the reality, the differences are hard to accept but it is always preferable to the truth.
And besides, an aspect that we have to keep in mind is that all children create "neurotic's family romance." There is an age that arise if the family that is living but yours truly will be the children of a king or a powerful man. (In this novel discuss in future articles of a more concrete).
When to tell?
There is no specific age to tell your child that he is an adopted child, just wait until he is interested in knowing their origin.
With the first questions is time to start telling the truth but always taking into account the age of the child, giving you information that you can understand and dosage form as the go-factly asking and do not forget because it's a boy loved and desired by you.
There are children who start from a very small ask their mothers if they have gone out of their gut, where they come from or how they were born.
In conclusion, you should always tell the truth but always respond in a way that can understand, answering their questions and anticipating what still has not asked himself that also needs to feel part of the family, assimilate things gradually, respecting their psychic time.
How do I tell my son he is adopted?
If you propose not lie saying that is biological, not tell him that the stork brought you, or who is born under a cabbage because it's going to believe, their innocence and fantasy level is wonderful so it's best not to confuse .
The healthiest way, in every way, to tell your little one what your home is through the stories that you can create yourself.
It is essential that this story or explanation that refers to a biological parent, to love, to an intimate encounter, the inability to have a baby by the adoptive parents and the great desire to have a son like him .
For example: "You were born in another belly but did not have parents, they wanted and made a baby together (ie, born of love and there is an intimate encounter) but they could not take care of. We could not have babies and looking for one (desire to have a child) and I when we found you, our son. "
This is a very basic example you can do your adding more feelings and decorating according to the child's age but makes it clear that there was love when it was conceived and now is with people who love him.
In closing I would like to share with you a reflection that we conveyed Marina Good:
"A genitor can be father, a progenitor can not and there will not ever be progenitors that can be parents forever."